I’m feeling the need to address this today for some reason. This morning I wrote in my journal that today was a good, but normal morning. “I don’t feel particularly happy or sad… just ‘normal’, and after so many years of being depressed I have to re-learn what that feels like.”
Some of you know that I have suffered from depression my entire adult life. In my late 30s, though, things took a turn for the worse. Honestly, there was a period of time where 3 out of 4 weeks were spent in hopeless despair. I just couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it feeling weepy, tired, overwhelmed, confused, angry and spent.
I started seeing a therapist. At one point he told me, “You don’t have to accept the depression.” When he said it, I couldn’t see how it would ever go away.
Then I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and the resulting medication literally changed my life: I went from three weeks of depression a month to perhaps one or two days…. I felt so good that I thought I could get off the depression medication….
Uh…no.
But guess what? I now happily and joyfully take any medication I need to keep my depression in check. I know what it feels like to feel good again, normal again, and if taking a few pills every day works, then I will do my part and take them. I also have been able to take other steps that have contributed to my “not accepting the despression.”
If anyone reading this blog is suffering, please, go to a doctor, therapist, WHATEVER to get the help you need…. You don’t need to accept it.
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The above “Adam & Eve” painting is several years old. I’m thinking of revisiting the theme this winter with a series of paintings.
