The following “story” is based on “If You Give a Moose a Muffin”:


If you send a girl to India,

She might decide to dip herself in the Holy Ganga River.

If she dips herself in the river,

She might end up sick in bed for five days.

If she ends up sick in bed for that long,

She might lose 20 pounds.

If she loses 20 pounds,

None of her clothes will fit when she gets home.

If none of her clothes fit,

She will need to go shopping at the mall.

If she goes shopping at Urban Outfitters,

She might come out of the store with cool new low-rider pants.

If she wants to wear these new pants,

She will have to buy new underwear*.

If she’s going to buy new panties,

She might as well go to Victoria’s Secret like the rest of the world.

If she goes to Victoria’s Secret,

She’ll probably spend $25 on five new pairs.

If she’s going to buy cute underwear anyway,

She might as well get the black ones with the pink poodle stitched on the front.

When she wears the poodle underwear,

She might find that she is giddily happy about it for some strange reason.

If she is so happy,

She might be more productive and make lots of artwork.

If she is so happy making art the next six months,

She could possibly sell a lot more this year.

And if she sells well,
Chances are….

She will want to go to India again.


* Granny undies be gone!!!