Thank you for all of your questions in response to yesterday’s post, and keep them coming! Here’s one I feel I need to address RIGHT AWAY!!
Q:
There is always the question of creative flow…how to achieve it, maintain it and bring joy to it. You are a wonderful practitioner of Creative Flow and have discovered playful tools to initiate, maintain and nurture it. For many though it seems like a carefully hidden secret…
A:
Oh, no.
I’m so sorry if I’ve given the impression that all is just hunky dorrie all the time here at CarlaSonheimLand… it’s not! Not at all! Seriously… Just ask my husband.
I am NOT a Wonderful Practitioner of Creative Flow.
In reality, I’m more of a
Debilitated User of Depression Glow, or a
Neurotic Doer of Screwed-upt-ness — Doh!
😀
On this blog I have tried to spare you from my whiny, ungrateful, depressed self — it’s so boring! — but in doing so I’m afraid I’ve given the impression that all is well for me, all the time.
Not true!
As an example, here is how the first THREE DAYS of this work week played out:
• Wake up to alarm or cat alarm.
• Shovel down food — we’re late!
• Run back upstairs to take the depression medication.
• Drive Wes to school.
• Have conversation with myself about whether to get a croissant today. (“Yes” = small detour. “No” = traffic on bridge. It’s not usually a very difficult choice.)
• Drive to work, wondering why I keep gaining weight.
• Park. (“Free” on the street of broken dreams*? or $7 bucks in the lot under the freeway? Which?)
• Walk to office. “Yay, what a wonderful place to work!” And then, “Oh, I have so much to do!”
• Spend all morning trying to think up something to write for a guest blog post.
• Which goes live next Thursday.
• And one of six I need to do.
• By Thursday.
• Stop intermittently and try to calm myself by drawing.
• Switch back and forth from the computer to the drawing, focusing on neither enough to finish anything satisfactorily.
• Lunch!
• Repeat morning flip-flopping until about 6pm.
• Marvel at how little I got done.
• Wonder if I’ll ever draw anything I like, ever again.
• Or if I’ll ever paint again.
• Pick up Wes from school/drama practice.
• Home, dinner, TV, bed.
In short, most days I struggle with time management issues, inertia, procrastination, and making focused time to draw or paint. And I do have depression issues which effectively cut out large parts of my productive time.
But yes, on good days I’ve managed to figure out a few tricks and tools to enjoy the flow of it all.
And it often involves just getting fed up with all of the above “clutter” and letting myself “putter” for a day, doing nothing at all, and then “BAM” I’m suddenly immersed in a painting or project that takes me to that wonderful, flowing place.
But these are rare days.
* We found “free” parking on a street about 1/2 mile from our office. The only problem is, we got broken into and, between the stolen trumpet and the broken window glass, it cost over $1,000. Now we feel we need to park there for the next two years to make up for it!
carlasonheim.wordpress.com 
Thank you for sharing! Looks like we are all human after all. I suffer from more than one chronic illness, cancer, and so on and depression no doubt. Though I can no longer practice my professional career as an attorney due to illness and stress, I am seeking solace through art. Still time and doubt are constant enemies even with lessons. Guess that is part of it all. Got to keep at it. And laugh. And pray. I admire you and your work. Blessings to you.
Oh my Carla you sound like me. I do not rush off to the office, but a school and when I get home I am such a procrastinator, or I get into these moods that I need to be little Miss Homemaker and make yummy meals and clean, not giving any time for myself. And then when I do give myself time to create and at times I will dislike it and it ends up in the trash. I also take pills for depression and anxiety.
Well with that said, I actually have never felt more creative in my life. I found my way here because of you Carla and your online classes. Have a creative, fun weekend.
Thank you for sharing and making my days feel much more “real”, whatever that means… some days are more of a daze….. :-S
carla thank you so much for sharing — you are still a wonderful inspiration to me — we are all human and have our “real life” to deal with, but you help me in finding wonderful inspiration in all of your posts, online classes and your books :0)
your days sound so much like mine we could be twins :0) ♥
Thanks for the reality check, Carla! We forget that what we see is usually someone’s best work and everything it took to make that work is behind the scenes. You’re right in that readers don’t want to hear about all the angst that went into every piece of art or blog post…but every once in awhile we need a reminder that we’re all living a human life, to be kind to ourselves AND to keep at it, which is what you do! Thanks for sharing with us and keep in mind that when life is frustrating, you’re not alone either 🙂
Lorri – Art Camp for Women
I want to say Carla, that you are awe-inspiring to manage a home and family and produce such stunning artwork while you live with a debilitating illness as you do. My daughter and her father suffer from a hereditary form of clinical depression and I know that some days are simply exhausting beyond anything i can ever imagine for them. She is a wonderful quilter and now a knitter and I will pass this onto her. I can see the huge value in your “putter” and you are an absolute inspiration as well as a “trail blazer”
I myself suffer from a chronic pain condition and after more major surgery recently I am having a struggle and I too shall adopt your “putter” days into my own life thank you so very much.
Regards
Margot
well, I found it quite refreshing that you struggle with some of the same issues as the rest of us — I guess it is really easy to put you successful artists on a pedestal and think that it all these wonderful pieces of art just flow out of you ever so easily! thank you for sharing that you are human too! :-0 Linda Yoder
Thanks for sharing your story. I admire your honesty and love your artwork!
What if you are not sick, nor depressed nor being broken into your car? If you are just ordinary and even have got the time but still cannot produce such wonderful art as Carla and I am sure all you other ladies too? If you try and it still looks like a clone of somebody elses work?
But I am happy and grateful for being given the opportunity of at least trying to catch the creative flow.
keep doing it and eventually you will gain skills and your own work will show through.
That’s how you start, waltraut. By trying out other artists’ styles and getting experience.
As dana said, you’ll learn so many skills from that, and eventually will find your own style ❤
thanks for such an honest share – i should be prepping inventory for christmas fairs, etc., but instead i’m feeling sorry for myself at not getting an interview to any (real, paying and not an internship) job i’ve applied for this year. it’s interfering with my creativity and my productivity. i’m sorry that i’m not alone 😉
Dear Carla. I’m looking at your blog every day and am happy every time you write or have an inspiring drawing. And today you touched my heart – I am grateful that the internet allows me to “know” someone like you.
Lots of thoughts from the other side of the world – Kirsten.
– and it helped – you had written a lot :))
ditto and all the more reason to have a cup of herbal tea and read your new book. i found the medication a hindrance to creativity and abandoned it years ago for a good jog in the park as often as possible. love what you are doing and glad you share it with all of us.
I am 78 years old and one of the biggest lessons I have learned, at least in my life, is that the sensitivity and ability to create has a trade off component. We are prone to the easily bruised soul. The weather bruises us, loving bruises us, stress bruises us, almost everything is filtered through that exquisite creative center of us. It’s worth it.
That is the most beautiful comment, Ardith. Thank you.
I let out a long held breath upon reading your description, Ardith. I’ve not been able to name the feeling before. Easily bruised – oh my, yes. Thank you for your insight.
isn’t it amazing that we realize so late in life that most gifts, and I consider my creative soul my most precious gift, have a trade off? Remember all those days when we sailed through the days riding the crest of some creative wave and doing it the only way our kind can…..with joy, boundless energy, and amazing insights, totally absorbed in the moment? I will take those days on the top of that wave and rejoice that I had them. It makes the days in the ‘doompit’ bearable.
Wow Ardith, well said. Not that I feel like that, but I know of many that fit your description. I meet a lot of highly sensitive children and adults who get ‘easily bruised’… Thanks.
Oh my, Ardith! I have been struggling of late and have always questioned and berated myself for being “overly sensitive”. I love your explanation and will use it to remind myself next time I am telling myself to grow a backbone 🙂
Ardith, I agree with all above. I never thought of it as being easily bruised. I have been easily bruised in the past and focused on that bruise, instead of letting it go and allowing it to heal. But with age and some help by others, I do not allow those bruises take over my thoughts all the time. It is great to awake and be happy.
Oh Carla-you are human – as we all are. I used to think everyone (but me) had it all together. I know now it’s not true. In fact, those who seem the most together are often those who struggle with their issues the most. Thank you for your honesty – my days often feel like (although different in details) the one you described. I do love your art and it inspires me – but I can appreciate how difficult it is at times to create or to love what you create. Again – thank you for opening up your soul in a public place – that is a very hard thing to do.
Such an amazing group share!! A confluence of compassion and understanding I’ve just read, above. We humans all have emotional and physical foibles that suck. Our lesson: don’t beat ourselves up about any of it. A hug to you all.
oh, i hate that your car was broken into
i hope it is safe to park there in the future
thank you for sharing a peak into your life
we all have so much in common
to be human is a common experience in so many ways
thank you for inspiring us as artists!
Thanks Carla for sharing this. Your art work ánd your story – they are both inspiring. Some of what you said leaks through in what you write on your blog. I think your honesty about fearing the white paper, and other such remarks, is what speaks to us all.
And great how so many come up with interesting questions to answer.
Wishing you all the best – big hug from all the way over the ocean, from the Netherlands too!
Great how this leads to compassionate responses too. Isn’t the web wonderful for making this possible?
Depression Buster
Hi, Carla, I am your great fan,
hoping sincerely that maybe I can
help just a little to get you a-going
with setting your flow back a-flowing.
You’re such a fine artist (don’t contradict!),
so handle yourself kindly, don’t be too strict!
Count all your blessings, savour your art,
let happiness dwell in your soul, in your heart!
If darkness surrounds, you can’t see the light,
and life just boils down to one dreary fight.
Black moods are destroyers,
intruders, annoyers,
and real old pests,
like unwelcome guests.
So give them a shout
and do kick them out!
There is always a reason for depression to hit.
With thorough research and considerable wit
you will be able to pinpoint the source.
Eliminate it, by coaxing or force!
I hope your depression
goes into regression
this moment – right NOW!
Bid it good-bye, and then shout out „WOW!“
One of the reasons I love your work, your classes, and your blog is your honesty. Thank you for letting me feel like I am normal and that others go through the same turbulence!
Thanks for sharing “a day in the life”…..it lets us know that we are not alone…lol
It also helps me appreciate your art, cus I see where it comes from! I love that the art breaks through from time to time. Do keep up the inspiration!
We love ya! Andrea
Not a question but the comment that it is reassuring to know that someone “famous” (Hey, you have books published!) also has trouble with the blank pages and getting wonderful creative ideas! Thank you so much for your blogs, your encouragement, and sharing your world and feelings with the rest of us.
Oh! I am reading this with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart…I would have preferred the illusion I think that you have found all the answers, or at least enough of them to keep anxiety and depression at bay and allow creative flow to pass through you uninterrupted….On the other hand it is heartening I guess that you are just like me and still manage to write delightful books and have fun and bring healing to so many lives. So I’ll have to take you off the beautiful pedestal I have put you on and put you right here next to me, where we can figure it out together, and support each other when our bruised souls (thank you Ardith) need some nurturing…and you can be my friend and mentor….and I’ll be the same to you….I’m ok with that…I just hurt like hell right now…but it will go and then i’ll draw something to make it better…x
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all Carla. It’s hard to know how much to share without it becoming a whine, but it’s sooo important to share sometimes.
Finding that balance is hard for me too.
I think that this topic would actually make a fantastic guest post – as would most of the other questions posed in comments over the last few days.
Fingers crossed that you won’t be stumped for ideas from now on!
Carla, you are awesome. I would like to say thank you for sharing your “daily grind” story with us. I have issues with depression myself, and hearing what your days can be like feels very familiar ! I know that I have found such great solace and play and escape and self-love in being an artist. I feel like I get why you are such a playful, try anything, go for it type of artist now. Isn’t that creative place the safest, most “everything is okay”, “I am a master explorer”, “there is no wrong answer” kind of place ? Are you ever so grateful every time you get to go there ?
Like I started with, you are awesome. May your balancing act be relatively easy and may you find your way to those wide open creative spaces often this week.
Love and light, Amazing One !
arg so sorry for you, so much waste for you-S
I lived for many years in such a neighbourhood as well, so we had always those problems with cars standing outside.
but there wasn’t a storage place.
Now i’m living in the centre of a city and there isn’t a normal free place, you allways must use a garage.
My building is built on a big one.LOL
but way too expensive, like all the old centres of cities here.
My visitors are allways complaining.LOL
I hope you will come soon over it.
I have thought about a question.
I understand how you work with spots, but… how do you work with oil paint and with the background it’s sooo well mixed together.
Perhaps you can tell you’re secret? If not it’s okay. I still love your site and you’re work;-D
Hey have a nice happy week.XD
Just recently came across 55 Creative Exercises to Make Drawing Fun at our library, and have totally fallen in love with it. I did the Picasso dogs with my art class on Friday, and they had a BLAST! (Okay, I did too.) Fun, fun, FUN!!!! (Remember this when you have days like the one described above.)
Creative energy is a bit like jumping into a deep, cold pool. Plug your nose and shock yourself into moving. Do anything, just to get moving and then try to focus. Unfortunately, the need for chocolate or tea gets in the way. Back to doing anything to get the energy moving, but then it is time do …. anything else. That’s when it is truly time to get the bum glue out and do what ever is being avoided. There’s a great idea just lurking, if only we weren’t afraid to hug it.
Thanks for sharing some of your angst. It does help to know that you have days that are a struggle. It seems as though though “struggle” has become my middle name.I have not been doing creative work for 2 1/2 years – I held on through the boken knee and wheel chair for 3 months – then came breast cancer – with bi-lateral mastectomy, chemo, and a year of infusions every 3 weeks. I wasn’t aware of how completely I had stopped working at that point, but realize now that I had – didn’t stop buying supplies, just stopped creating! Then the dog (who was responsible for the broken knee – 77 pounds of muscle running like a freight train, without looking where he’s going) hit my other knee and this time really trashed it – worse than broken. Then my two 17 year old cats died – I suspect by now you are getting the picture. Everything has been going okay for the last 6 months – but I simply can’t get out get out of my “catastrophe” around every corner mind set.
I did spend an hour last night with your imaginary animal book – and hopefully this will morph into a trend and not be a one-time happening. I am a doll maker (my friends refuse to let me use past tenses, so I’m keeping my word) – collager-ifier, learning to paint, a textile artist and maker of strange clothing from thrift stores, and learning to work on paper and I want to learn silk screening. I love doing things – but mostly I think about doing things. When I see you turning out such wonderful work and books – it’s easy to think it’s beyond my capacity – so learning that you also have hurdles to jump, has given me a touch of hope.
And do love both your books – they are very inspiring.
thank you for your transparency…i enjoy your blog every day…and sometimes i even paint….:)
Oh yes the putter. That oft forgotten treat in the busyness of life.
Thankyou for your post.