“Go Fish, Go!” PanPastel and pencil.
Last week I talked with someone for over an hour. During the conversation, she asked about all the “positive energy” I put out there, and if I had always been such a positive person. (Not the exact words, but something like this.)
I had to laugh, as I don’t think of myself that way.
I spent almost all of my 30s and into my mid-40s struggling with clinical depression. I was the most unhappy person I knew!
Except when I wasn’t depressed, and then I was one of the happiest people I knew.
(These swings drove Steve to distraction, as you can imagine.)
But the thing is, I only can do my artwork when I’m in a good place emotionally. (I know that many people find doing art a therapeutic way to work their way through depression, but for me, I just can’t put pencil to paper when I’m crying or “down.”)
I’ve been in a much better place emotionally the past five years or so. I’ve tried to work my way through the depression in as many ways as possible — therapy, anti-depressents, thyroid diagnosis and treatment, and now, exercise — and it seems to be paying off. Yay!
But for some reason I felt the need to set the record straight on this: Life is hard, it’s not easy, and I don’t run around with joy overflowing every minute (and in some ways I wouldn’t want to — how annoying for everyone around me!). I’m a depressive currently in a remission of sorts and am grateful for each day that I wake up feeling good.
Today I feel good, and I’m grateful!
If you’ve made it through this surprisingly “deep” post, I wish you the very best today as we all struggle with this difficult and wonderful thing called life.